If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize