this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
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you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
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As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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