remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
tell me about the fingering
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