I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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