babies were throwing up all over the place
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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