I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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