if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
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He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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