Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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