is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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