i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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