like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Say something about gay babies.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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