We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize