Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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