hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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