I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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