just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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