I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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