my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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