The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
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