im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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