And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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