If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize