If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
sarcasm needs its own font
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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