His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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