just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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