How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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