The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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