whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize