peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize