did you get engaged???
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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