i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize