i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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