i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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