Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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