Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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