guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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