i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize