Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
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I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
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a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
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