Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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