my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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