I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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