I'd wear matching sweaters with you
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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