He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
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We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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