Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
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i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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