Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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