This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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