ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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