I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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