My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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