if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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